


Forget the Glory

by DefendersofMCUniverse (GeekMom13)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Communication, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Lance Volunteers, M/M, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Self-Harm by way of ignoring the disease, keith is stubborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekMom13/pseuds/DefendersofMCUniverse
Summary: Keith met Lance in the Garrison, that first shove changed his life forever. They might not always get along, but the bright mark that grew on them both the first time they touched meant they would always be around each other.They had been together for two years when they found themselves flown into space and soon, Keith found himself coughing up morning glories.
Relationships: Keith/Kolivan/Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18
Collections: VLD Hanahaki Bang





	Forget the Glory

**Author's Note:**

> Each species does its own soulmate thing. 
> 
> And in this case, Hanahaki is _not_ actual unrequited love. It is when a Galra/Part Galra **feels** their soulmate bond is unrequited.
> 
> Recovery, because of that, is highly dependant on mental state.
> 
> Thank you to [Cam](https://mint-ydreams.tumblr.com/) for the [wonderful art](https://twitter.com/Mintyydream/status/1239316300846862336)!

Keith had grown up thinking he would never meet his soulmate. He had shaken everyone’s hand he met, and no mark had bloomed. There was no one left in his small town, and everyone loved to talk about how no one ever left, and no one new ever came in. Keith grew up knowing he wasn’t good enough.

That all changed when Shiro showed up- Keith hadn’t cared about soulmate blooms in a good few years, so he didn’t bother to rush forward for a handshake. Keith had actually ignored him at first, only hopping in the simulator when forced, still dodging a touch from Shiro. 

His mother left, his father died, and none of the families in town wanted him. Keith got the message- he was unlovable. His first weeks at the Garrison had the same outcome- pain, loneliness, and rejection. 

Yup, thanks universe. 

At least the Garrison didn’t tolerate people asking about soulmates- so most people didn’t know he was alone. Keith had just been told he was on his final chance in the Garrison- even with Adam and Shiro backing him- when he punched Griffin. Then he almost ran into the loudmouth Alvarez

He smiled and stuck out his hand like the annoying optimist he was. “Hi! I’m Lance, I’ve seen you around. We’re pretty close in-”

Keith shoved past him, jabbing his shoulder into Lance’s. And then he felt it. The final bit of proof that the universe _hated him._

Lance’s expression lit up, and he started rambling about everyone he wanted to tell. Every new name made Keith feel worse. Every single one of them would ask Lance to reject him eventually, leaving Keith alone. Only this time, he’d be stuck with a fucking mark on his body until he died- forever marked as not enough. 

Keith ran. 

He knew it wouldn’t prevent anything; their bond had already started. There was no stopping it once you bloom. Honestly, _fuck the universe_ for ever thinking this was a great idea. He just needed _time_ to prepare for the coming rejection.

Sure, Lance seemed kind enough- a bit full of himself- and he’d probably try for Keith’s sake. Just like the last foster home had. But in the end, he was still happily shipped off to somewhere else with the same ‘not _our_ problem anymore’ smile. 

Lance would do the same. 

Keith found himself knocking on Shiro’s door like he always did when he panicked. Once it opened, he launched himself inside, grabbing a blanket and slamming the bathroom door shut. He could hear people talking outside, but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in his ears. 

When he relaxed, he could hear a third voice joining Shiro and Adam’s. Lance’s _._ And wasn’t that just a great first impression? Hi, I’m your soulmate. I randomly panic and need to hide in bathtubs. Sure, Shiro seemed to understand- his Dad had taught him when he couldn’t escape, you go to the tub. And panic made him feel like he couldn’t escape. But would Lance understand too?

Keith waited a bit longer, hoping that maybe Lance would leave. After a few minutes, he figured Lance was sticking around, so he splashed water on his face and hid the blanket in the hamper. Lance was all smiles when Keith walked out, and Shiro and Adam seemed to like him. Keith was still hiding a bit, watching as Lance was rubbing at his shoulder each time he mentioned Keith. No time like the present for rejection- _no, not rejection,_ he reminded himself. It was time to face Lance’s blind optimism, the calm before the inevitable storm of problems that was _Keith._

“Everything okay there?” Shiro asked, partially blocking Lance’s view.

Keith rubbed his neck. “Yeah, all good now.” 

Adam looked skeptical but slid over on the couch enough for Keith to be able to sit- right next to Lance. 

“So, I’m Keith,” he held out his hand for Lance to shake. 

Lance let out a huge smile. “I know who you are! Everyone in our year does! You’re like a legend. They say you’ll be the next Takashi Shirogane!”

“I said call me Shiro. After all, I’m sure we’ll get to know each other well since you _are_ Keith’s soulmate.” 

Keith choked back the panic at that. Adam gave him the same look he had before. 

“Of course! I can’t wait! So Keith, what does yours look like? I haven’t checked mine yet; you had me a little worried, so I came right here.” 

Keith ducked his head, blushing and muttering an apology. He was already letting Lance down. Already a terrible soulmate. 

Shiro dropped a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “You’ll get used to it. He’s a little jumpy.” 

Lance waved it off. “I’m friends with _Hunk,_ dude,” then he reached out and placed a hand on Keith’s. “So, what is it?”

Keith pulled back the shoulder of his shirt and revealed a gorgeous blue swirl- he was once again reminded that the universe must hate him. This beautiful mark would mock him forever once Lance was gone- a sign of the life he should have had. Shiro had pulled a face at it, but Lance was instantly yanking off his own shirt and babbling at Keith about how gorgeous they both were, and some old wives tale about how the complexity of the tattoo meant they were bound for greatness. 

Keith just felt like it was a sign that the pain after would be worse.

Lance had managed to snap a few selfies where Keith was scowling and hiding his face before Adam was ushering them out for curfew. That had been the start of Lance chipping away at his walls. 

* * *

Lance came running up to Keith, test results in his hand. “I made it! I’m officially a fighter pilot!”

Keith rolled his eyes but pulled Lance in for a hug and kissed his cheek. “I knew you would make it this time.” 

“Now you’ll have to think of a new nickname!” 

“Not gonna happen, cargo pilot.” 

As the months had dragged on, Keith had gotten used to Lance’s easy affections and constant touches. He no longer flinched when people touched him, smiling when Lance would drag him around, arm on his shoulder- unashamed of having Keith as _his._

Lance didn’t seem to mind that Keith was still hesitant to initiate contact. By the time Shiro left for Kerberos, they had admitted they were dating. Shiro had gathered them both in a hug and left them with a _take care of him._ Keith still wasn’t sure who Shiro had been talking about, but maybe that was the point. 

After all that time, Keith still had an odd feeling around Hunk; he was just too sweet for his own good, and Keith knew that trait always hid new depths of darkness. The more helpful a person seems, the worse they generally were when the facade broke. 

It wasn’t until his birthday when Hunk snuck into the kitchen to make a cake and pulled everyone into the room to sing that his opinion finally started to change. 

When Keith punched Iverson after Shiro was declared dead, Lance followed him out to the desert. Keith had spent those first few nights trying to get Lance to go back to the Garrison, but Lance refused to budge. Hunk would occasionally sneak them out supplies- food, clothing, soaps… and sometimes news of possible training missions for Kerberos. 

For the first time, Keith believed he was _enough._

* * *

Keith decided the universe definitely still hated him as they were rocketed up in a giant lion a few months after that. Lance was, as always, a _terrible_ show-off. The flight turned Keith’s stomach. 

Sure, they had found Shiro, rescued him, and then directed a large ship away from Earth. But they were dragged through battles, bloodied and bruised, and they were fighting a war older than some of his foster families believed the Earth existed. _That_ definitely didn’t happen to people the universe favored. 

Coran had been fascinated with the soul marks, explaining that humans were the only species he had encountered that had such a visible soul mark. The previous paladins had dealt with dreams, reflections, color blindness… so many variations, but none were so apparent. 

Keith… avoided the barrage of questions and tried to not listen to Coran’s recollections of everyone. He hated talking about people (were aliens people?) who were long-since dead. It hit too close to home. And really, when they were ten galaxies and three left turns away, that was quite the task. The questions died out by their third movement, and Keith went back to normal with Lance. 

They would train, eat, and cuddle together on the couches for ‘team bonding nights.’ It was just like at the Garrison again, and Keith relaxed back into Lance’s orbit. He wasn’t sure how, but Lance seemed to always be there when Keith needed, and he hadn’t had a panic attack since that first day. 

He was happy to meet the guy that Hunk had talked a lot about, happy when Pidge said nothing about how clingy Keith could be when Lance had put himself in danger. Keith loved to tug at Lance’s jacket until he could see the edge of purple creeping along Lance’s collarbone as they curled up on the couch. 

Keith still refused to accept that there was a chance the universe didn’t suck.

Then, there was a mission with a group of Galra who apparently weren’t evil like Zarkon. Keith felt his shoulder bloom when _Leader_ touched him. Thanks, but no thanks, universe. He didn’t need more than Lance- eighteen-foot-tall alien or not. 

Keith felt a pressure on his chest when he stalked away. 

The pressure never entirely left, only easing when Shiro would drag him into the conferences with the Blades, more specifically their leader, _Kolivan._ It was a long process, learning about them and starting to work together. 

Keith initially considered the consequences and thought he should tell Kolivan until he realized Kolivan was with Thace. They would appear distant during debriefs and mission planning, but whenever Keith tried to talk to Kolivan, Thace would be there, arm around Kolivan’s waist— whispering into his ear. 

Keith did research. Apparently, the stupid morning glories were a gift from the Galra soulmate system. He’d end up just fine once they got past this stage. Once the magic in the universe finally decided that they had both suffered enough, and they had well and truly rejected one another. 

Unfortunately, he was stuck with slightly more damage than normal until this passed- hopefully in under a decaphoeb. It was just his luck that his special little flower made him sick and occasionally made him hallucinate.

He can deal for a decaphoeb, and then the scaring it will leave behind. Kolivan was happy, and Keith didn’t need to ruin that.

Plus, Keith never saw recognition in Kolivan’s strange eyes. He was treated the same as Shiro, and slightly better than Allura (who still treated the BoM with some disdain, so Keith figured it was fair treatment.) He assumed that it was a one-way bond and tried to shut off the pain. 

Apparently, everyone knew a broken bond was fine once you got through that initial phase- the flowers. Especially if you were one of the lucky ones to have a strong bond-mate already. 

Lance had made sure he was the strongest. 

And Keith was made secure in turn. _Until the flowers came._ He had started to cough them up every time he got angry or fought too hard. The screaming turned to gasping, the gasping brought him to his knees, petals pouring out with each cough. 

Shiro had commented on how mature he was getting, walking away instead of yelling when he got upset. Keith had managed to hide the mark, the pain, and the flowers for almost a phoeb- then Thace had to ruin it all. They were barely able to talk without Allura being upset, finally face to face instead of always standing at screens. There was no hiding their disdain they each held from one another when there was no place to hide.

Thace had noticed the knife as Keith unclipped it from his hip in order to grab notes from his pocket. 

“Thief!” 

Allura glared at Thace. “There are no thieves on board, I assure you.”

 _“That_ is one of our blades,” Thace shouted as he was trying to grab it.

Kolivan put a hand on Thace’s chest and pressed him into the wall, growling something too low for their coms to translate. It was tense, and Keith was struggling to breathe as it was. _How dare_ anyone accuse his mother of theft. 

There was a short argument, and Keith was trying to choke back the flowers long enough to defend himself. Barely any words translated for them as Kolivan easily held Thace back from his goal. The coms crackled back to life when Thace pointed to Keith, and they all heard it- _give it back._

Keith gripped the handle. “This is all I have left-” It had barely been a yell. He only raised his voice a little, but it was enough. He could feel the morning glories winning. 

“Keith, perhaps you should go find Lance, calm down a bit.”

“But _Shiro,_ you know,” his voice was failing him, “this is my mother’s.”

Shiro pursed his lips and nodded, but Thace cut in again. “No human would have our blade; he is a thief _and_ a liar.” 

Whatever Keith was going to retort was cut off by the petals- so many more than usual, he could barely breathe. He missed everything moving frantically around him as the petals pooled onto the floor. They were such a vibrant purple this time; they were beautiful to look at- he wouldn’t mind these being the last thing he saw, though Lance might be better to look at. Or Lance would break his heart more- the look of loss and betrayal or maybe a look of relief- yeah, flowers were safer. Then, there were hands on him, dragging him to a healing pod, and then everything went cold. 

* * *

The pod opened to a somber Allura, angry Lance, and Kolivan- who, honestly, Keith couldn’t tell what he felt. He could see Shiro near the door with Coran and Thace, but they were too far to assess their moods accurately. Plus, he already knew the full situation- he was screwed, everyone knew now.

Lance broke first, rushing forward and calling him an idiot before dragging him into a hug. Keith hugged him back, letting Lance guide them to a nearby couch. The pod had removed a good amount of the pressure, but he could still feel some petals threatening to come right back up with his temper. 

Allura allowed them a moment before she spoke. “Keith, when were you going to tell us?”

Keith shrugged. “Didn’t feel important.”

There was a snarl off to the side, but Lance’s squeak was more critical. “Keith! Didn’t you listen to anything Coran said?”

Keith made a face towards Lance. “Well-”

“Of _course_ you didn’t. Quiznak. Keith… pods can’t heal soulmate damage.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “I know that.”

Allura cut in then. “Keith, you aren’t understanding. This could affect your ability to pilot Red.” 

Keith looked at his lap. “It’s not that bad.”

 _“Yet.”_ Lance cut in, the anger reappearing. 

“I have it under control, Lance,” Keith snapped before he saw the 

“If you did, you wouldn’t be coughing up full flowers and rambling about the quiznaking _colors looking pretty!”_

Keith pulled his legs up onto the seat and wrapped his arms around his shins. “I-” he stopped, unable to figure out what he’d even say. 

Kolivan sat on Keith’s other side. “I understand if you wish to break the bond, war is-” 

Lance held up his hand. “Don’t offer that just yet. Keith needs to explain himself first.” 

Thace made a sound from behind them, grumbling about meddling. Lance smiled at that, Thace seemed to worry too much- but he had been through this before with Keith. Those first weeks he swore that they spent more time miscommunicating than actually bonding. He rubbed at his shoulder, remembering the heat that used to radiate when the bond felt strained. 

Keith was still hiding in his jacket, not letting Lance uncurl him at all. Lance looked up and pleaded with Allura. “Maybe a little less of an audience?” 

She nodded, guiding Coran out, locking the door behind them. 

Lance looked around. “Okay. Sit down, all of you. Gloom and doom looming helps _no one.”_

Thace silently took a seat across from them, arms crossed and glaring. Out of the corner of his eyes, Keith saw Shiro sit next to Lance and rub his shoulders. 

“Okay, so. Keith, did you want to say anything?” Lance started.

“No.”

Thace growled.

 _“Thace,”_ Kolivan snapped. 

Keith had dug his fingers into his calves. Lance reached over and gently pried his hands away to hold them. Keith hated when Lance did this- he knew Keith wouldn’t purposely hurt Lance, so he was forced to calm down and face things.

“Then I’ll talk. When _our_ marks bloomed, Keith literally ran and had a panic attack. So- don’t take his hiding it as, well, _bad.”_

Kolivan grunted at that, turning to where Keith was still curled up. “I’ve heard humans have a _visual_ clue?”

Lance nodded. “Yeah,” he slipped half out of his shirt to show off the swirls, “these appear when we first touch. They’ll only fade with death.” 

Kolivan grabbed Lance’s wrist to pull him closer to look at the mark, yellow flying up Lance’s arm as they touched. 

“Yeah, like that…” Lance turned his arm as much as he could in Kolivan’s grasp. 

They were all fixed on the yellow deepening and winding through the vines of Keith’s mark, mixing together over his elbow. Lance was smiling wide at the color. “Looks like I was right. It’s eye color.” 

Keith huffed at that; they had argued a few times over their coloring. It was never the same for a couple- Shiro and Adam had been the color of their uniforms at the Garrison. Kolivan was still holding Lance, and Keith could see the markings when he lifted his head a little.

“Keith? Did you want to show yours?” Shiro suggested. 

Keith curled in tighter. 

“Would it help if _I_ did it for you?” Lance whispered.

Keith thought it over then nodded, shifting closer to Lance, who tugged on Keith’s arms and legs until he could get off the shoulder of his undersuit. He gently pried the material down, smiling as the vortex was finally completed. It was beautiful. Keith knew Lance would love it. 

Kolivan reached out but hesitated a few inches away. Keith still had his head buried against Lance, gripping the fabric of Lance’s jacket. Lance reached out and dragged Kolivan’s hand against the mark, offering a small smile. 

“Well,” Shiro quietly said, “I always wondered with yours. Lance’s looked so closed off, and yours was wide open.” Shiro leaned over Lance’s shoulder, “though I suppose Lance’s wasn’t exactly complete either.” 

Lance shrugged and ran his free hand through Keith’s hair. “Maybe that’s because of how we met? Keith would always meet Kolivan… I wasn’t a sure thing?”

Keith hated how unsure Lance sounded. For all the time Lance had spent building him up, Keith had left him vulnerable. 

Luckily, Shiro changed the subject. “So, for the Galra, is it just coughing up the flowers?”

Keith couldn’t see Kolivan’s reaction, but Thace had a few grunts before Kolivan spoke, no doubt more muttering. “No. That would make it rather hard to track. There’s a certain… allure to our soulmate.” 

“So, I glitter?” Lance asked.

Keith looked up to see that Kolivan was once again making _that face._ The one that he often got with the paladins. He was starting to realize it was his confused face. 

“Glitter?”

Lance wiggled his fingers. “Like… sparkly? Looks like mini gemstones?”

“No,” Kolivan cut him off before Lance could describe it another way, “you are not reflective.” 

Lance pouted a little.

“It’s more a draw. You look- the same, mostly. But…” Kolivan paused, “it is hard to explain.”

Shiro shrugged. “I guess that’s why none of the literature Allura and Coran had mentioned it.”

“They would have had mainly Zarkon’s view. He was a secretive man, even before he was corrupted.”

Lance gripped Keith at that. “Well, what do we do now?”

Kolivan looked to Thace before he spoke. “I would prefer if we break bonds one by one so I can still lead the Blade. I am afraid I would be too unwell otherwise. Then I can take my leave.” 

Keith could feel the pressure building up, the mark burning, and Lance tensing up. Keith wanted to curl in on himself and hide again, but Lance needed him. He looked over to see Lance tracing his new mark, maybe trying to memorize it in case it disappeared. 

Thace was off to the side, still barely holding in his growls, and Keith was mad. How could he not realize that this would be hard for them? He acted like this was all an inconvenience to _him,_ like it was Lance and Keith’s fault that his boyfriend was fated to them. 

Keith scowled, but before he could tell Thace off for his selfishness, he was coughing up flowers again. Gods, he hated this- it was just like it had been before the healing pod. Typically it would give him a few days of peace. 

“I think Keith needs it first,” Lance was panicking. 

Thace was once again grumbling too low for the translators to pick up. Lance was fussing and trying to figure out how to help and wasn’t _that_ just a kick in the teeth.

Keith glared at him. “Sorry for the _inconvenience_ of having to wait for your boyfriend’s pesky soulmates to go away,” he bit out between coughs.

The increased pain was worth it to see the look on Thace’s face before he blacked out again. 

* * *

This time, when Keith came out of the healing pod, only Lance was waiting. Keith let Lance quietly lead him down the hall to their room, not trying to push him to talk. He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but he knew Lance would be worried over the whole thing with Thace.

He should have just kept that secret. Lance didn’t need the pain of knowing their soulmate had already chosen someone else. That even with an allure to him, Keith hadn’t- 

“Stop thinking,” Lance muttered, “I’d like to talk _before_ we need to shove you back into a pod because you worked yourself into a tizzy again.”

“A tizzy? Really?”

Lance smiled and winked at him. “I’d say shower first, get the pod smell off you, but I don’t think I can trust you to not-” he tapped his head. 

Keith settled on the bed, back against the wall. “Fair point.” 

“So, I have a few questions, and you need to answer as simply as you can. No explanations.” 

Keith nodded. 

“First- Do you want to try with Kolivan?”

“He has-”

Lance cut him off. “No, that’s not what I asked. Close your eyes, picture that first moment you felt the mark bloom. Tell me what you thought of Kolivan.” 

“I felt guilty for wanting him.”

Lance sat next to him and held out his marked arm. “But you don’t need to.” 

Keith looked up with a sad smile; it wasn’t Lance that made him guilty.

“Next question: Is Thace the _only_ reason you didn’t want to try?”

Keith drew his legs to his chest again; now Lance would know- Lance would think he wasn’t good enough. “Yes.”

Lance laughed at that. “Well then, let’s go get our man- cat? Alien?” Lance made a face as he tried to pick.

“But-”

“But _nothing,_ Keith. You need to learn to ask first. Thace is about as involved with Kolivan as Shiro is with you.”

“Oh.” 

Lance smiled and leaned over to kiss his temple, then scrunched his nose up. “Change of plans. You shower first.” 

Lance sat on the counter the whole time, filling Keith in on what they had talked about when Keith was healing, _again,_ from the flowers. 

“So, we’re probably going to do some tests after. Kolivan said it’s rare for a non-Galra mate to also have hanahaki flowers.”

“Uh-huh.”

“He said he thought you would just be a little sad while the bond strained and broke- since it was your choice and all. Which, we will _also_ be discussing once I can properly yell at you without worrying that you will die on me.”

Keith swallowed. “I-”

“No. we’re not getting into it right now. I just wanted to tell you that you are not off the hook for lying to us all.”

“Okay.”

“So, Shiro thinks we should talk to Thace first, but I’m not sure that will help much. He’s very grumpy. And I think you need some cuddles.” 

Keith groaned. “I do _not_ need cuddles, Lance.”

“Then we’ll see Thace first. He can give you the airlock talk, and we can go bug Kolivan after.”

“The _what?”_

“Well, out here… we don’t use shovels. So. Airlock!” 

Keith turned off the water and stuck his head out to glare at Lance. “The universe is punishing me. Towel?”

Lance tossed him a towel and left, laughing. Keith thought over all of the exchanges he saw- the hugs, the whispered conversations, the times that Thace glared at him when he got too close- and he couldn’t see how Thace wasn’t with Kolivan. It didn’t make much sense otherwise.

Kolivan let almost no one touch him.

He quickly dressed, happily tossing the disgusting healing pod onesie into the chute. He hated the cling of the fabric and the smell of disinfectant that would linger on them no matter how many times they were washed. 

Lance was waiting outside his room and tried to fix Keith’s hair once they started walking.

“I just don’t understand _why_ it never lays right.”

“Eh, it never has.”

“Have you used the conditioner I got you?”

Keith smiled at Lance. “Occasionally.” 

Lance narrowed his eyes and ruffled Keith’s hair. “How does it look the same?”

Keith leaned over and kissed him. “You worry too much about my hair.”

“Someone has to,” Lance grumbled. 

Keith slipped an arm around Lance’s waist and kissed him again. Thace and Kolivan might be lying, but he never needed anyone but Lance anyways. He just needed to survive the bond breaking and make sure Lance was strong enough by then too. 

Thace was waiting for them at the table, pushing around a pile of food goo on his plate. 

“Hey Thace!” 

“Blue Paladin,” Thace turned to look to Keith, “Red Paladin.” 

Keith sat down and dragged Lance almost into his lap sideways, leaning against his shoulder.

“I suppose apologies are in order.” 

Keith snorted.

“I had assumed you were purposely hurting him.” 

Keith shook his head, holding Lance closer. 

“He explained to me that you didn’t seem to react after it happened. And then I saw you with the other paladin-”

 _“Lance,”_ Keith snapped, “his name is Lance.” 

Thace tilted his head in acknowledgment. “Well, I had thought you were-”

“I know what you thought,” Keith cut him off, “and you know what I think.” 

“Keith!” 

“Lance, listen. I know you believe them. But, I’ve _seen_ it. They probably don’t want to risk messing up Voltron. Precious war machine. If I keep going the way I have been, I won’t last long,” Keith took a deep breath, trying to steady himself from the truth of that. “And a bond-breaking would probably ground us for a while.” 

Lance was frowning at him, but Keith had to keep going.

“Logically, the best chance for the war is to at least pretend for a while. Keep everyone healthy and deal with it all after.” 

Thace shrugged. “Given your data, I would assume the same.” 

Lance was winding up to tell Keith off; he could see and feel the tension in Lance’s shoulders. 

“So,” Keith cut that off by addressing Thace again, “you can understand why.”

Thace nodded. “My soulmate is on his way. I believe your Black Paladin is acquainted with him. Perhaps meeting him will sway you.” 

Lance huffed but turned towards Thace. “Who?”

“Ulaz. He is eager to see the Champion again- there are some things he wishes to adjust on the arm.” 

Keith thought it over. “So Kolivan is not _with you,_ but he lets you… close.”

Thace stood from the table, glancing at them before putting his dish away. “Shiro is not with you, and yet…” 

Keith pulled Lance the rest of the way onto his lap and buried his face in Lance’s side. It was easy to believe, he could so easily let Kolivan into his heart now that Lance had destroyed all his walls. If he believed and this went south after the war- the flowers would win next time.

Even now, the doubt is enough to make breathing difficult. 

And how would Lance make it through? Lance, his sweet, trusting, get handcuffed to a tree because he thought he made a new friend, goofy, soulmate. He just hoped Lance’s lungs wouldn’t fill. Lance fell hard and fast. Keith saw it with himself. 

There was a sound from the door behind them, and Keith kissed Lance’s side before turning to Kolivan. 

Lance happily held out his arms for a hug, and Kolivan obliged, nuzzling Lance’s neck and offering Keith a careful half-hug as well. 

Keith narrowed his eyes at Lance, whispering. “You left a few things out.” 

Lance blushed and nodded as Kolivan took a seat next to them. 

“Thace says you have doubts.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Keith asked, tilting his head.

Lance started to grumble, but Kolivan placed a hand on Lance’s knee. “Yes.”

“You are both pessimistic! How am I bonded to _two_ pessimists?”

Keith kissed his ribs. “Because you’re _you,_ and you can handle us.”

Lance snorted and ruffled Keith’s hair. Keith was still uneasy, though. He kept thinking over everything- the touches, the lack of reaction, the anger, the lack of _flowers._

Kolivan typed away on a datapad and then handed it over. “Lance thought these might help you.”

Keith took the pad and tried to hold it comfortably before Lance took it and leaned it against his leg. Keith kissed Lance’s ribs again and settled in. 

There were logs from a healing pod and then videos. Keith watched Kolivan slowly getting worse, his videos mirroring Keith’s own journey. Kolivan hadn’t fallen to his knees like Keith, but the frequency he allowed Thace to show him to his room- and then leave- was heartbreaking. 

Keith gripped Lance’s hip hard as he thought about it.

Even if there were a chance Kolivan wasn’t with Thace, he wouldn’t want Keith. There’s no way he could love Keith after all this suffering. _Months_ of it. _Hundreds_ of healing pod records. If Kolivan stuck around, it would be for Lance, now. 

And Lance, that would probably be his breaking point. Knowing Keith hurt their bondmate- Lance would finally leave. Maybe now that the hanahaki was present, Lance would get his own petals and flowers. He remembered seeing butterfly somethings in pictures of Lance growing up… perhaps those, they would be beautiful together. 

He wondered if they’d merge and double his burden. That would make dying easier. He barely survived this far with Kolivan’s flowers. If any more were added… 

_“What the hell just happened?” Shiro belted out, not looking away from the pod where Keith was held._

Keith watched as Allura and Kolivan took turns explaining what was going on- and Coran’s subsequent log-check. He had not done as good of a job of deleting as he thought he had. Where it hadn’t been on his history anymore; it was definitely in the main logs. 

“Yeah. _That we’ll_ deal with later.” 

On the screen, Lance had curled against the pod, then Kolivan stood off to the side, and everyone else seemed happy to crash around the pod on the couches.

“Yeah, I-” Keith tried to explain, but he was cut off by the next clip.

 _“What did he just say?”_ Lance shrieked from the screen. 

Keith watched as Shiro and Lance were trying to roll him to his side. Like he had almost drowned, and they wanted to make sure the water could escape. Silly of them. 

_“Who exactly does he think is your boyfriend? I could swear he meant Kolivan!”_

_Shiro gathered Keith in his arms and crowded him into the healing pod- they hadn’t even managed to get him changed that time. “We’ll have to wait and see.”_

_“Leader, we can’t just wait around-”_

_“We can, and will, wait for this, Thace. It wasn’t so many decapheobes ago you were a pup hell-bent on tracking your mate across galaxies when it would interrupt a mission.”_

_Thace growled. “That was different! The Black Paladin LEFT-”_

_“When he was told, as he was told,” Kolivan cut in. “And as I reminded you back then and now- Ulaz knew the risks… as do I.”_

_“You’re not just risking yourself.”_

_Shiro looked up at that. “Ulaz? The one who saved me?”_

_Thace growled towards Shiro before storming away._

_“Yes, that’s his mate. It is a lasting wound for him.”_

_“I should apologize.”_

_Kolivan looked him up and down. “He will be fine without it. It’s not as if his mate died.”_

Keith watched them all orbiting the pod for a while, talking over the escape, Keith’s actions- so many jumps in the footage as Lance ranted, Kolivan looked on impassively, and Shiro grumbled. He supposed that the footage answered the questions he held closest to him. 

Most of all, he knew why Lance believed. 

He needed to try for Lance. 

* * *

Trying was equal parts torture and relief. He didn’t want to believe, but the traitor in his chest apparently disagreed. Each moment he spent bonding with Kolivan made his breaths easier. By the fourth ‘date,’ Keith was scanning clear. 

Which, _great._ But also- when the petals returned, Keith would be completely screwed. It would have been easier to deal if they never entirely faded. 

Kolivan had taken the progression of the first phoeb as a good sign, quickly moving the Blades operations to the lower corridors of the Castle ship. The majority of the Blades were still at various outposts, but they dragged everything he would need onto the castle. 

Kolivan had (at the request of both mates and under the advisement of Thace and Coran) insisted the change was strategic after the destruction of the old base that had been cloaked. This way, they’d have better communication between the two main forces against Zarkon’s Empire, with the added bonus of faster trips to check up on the more remote posts.

So far, after that initial conflict, the three of them were getting along great. Keith was less combative with everyone; laser focused on the enemy for all his aggression. Lance was calmer than he had been- even with Keith, he had been slightly off-balance, always a little unsure of himself. It was a fact that shot right through Keith- he wasn’t enough. And Kolivan- he was sweet, respectful, and the best to cuddle into at the end of the day. 

Like tonight.

 _Tonight,_ Kolivan was joining the team for a movie night. Lance had dragged them onto the smaller section of the couch and tossed Keith into the space on Kolivan’s left before darting off to get the puffs that Hunk had managed to make kind of taste like popcorn. 

Lance had immediately cuddled into Kolivan’s other side and reached over to hold Keith’s hand. It felt so incredible, so peaceful. He would miss this when they realized that he was the dead weight of the trio and cut him off. Hopefully, he got to see them succeed before the flowers killed him for good. 

* * *

The war raged on, and Zarkon was defeated, then Sendak after him. They were in the end stages of defeating Haggar… Honerva… whatever her name was. She had been too far gone for too long to be saved. 

Keith knew he was too. 

He knew that it was coming soon. Lance and Kolivan had been spending more time hidden away together, without him. They had secrets and inside jokes, and he had memories. Maybe this time, when everything was ripped away from him, he would survive.

Even Hunk seemed ready to pull back, and Shiro was giving him odd looks again. Like back when he had a half-empty galaxy on his shoulder. 

Then they destroyed the last of Zarkon’s empire- and he thought maybe it had been stress. But the third time in as many days his soulmates blew him off- Keith answered some old questions. 

It turns out that the flowers _are_ different for two different soulmates, and definitely did they grow twice as fast. 

At least the universe had some small mercies. 

The morning glories were as beautiful as ever, especially crumpled up with the smaller forget-me-nots. Keith dried a few and pressed them between pages of a book, nestled together. He would eventually attach them to his note. 

_Lance and Kolivan,_ _  
__You both know that I’m not good at expressing emotions. That’s probably why we got here. I don’t blame either of you for pulling away, so don’t feel guilty._ _  
__I just wanted to give you this._ _  
__The morning glory is Kolivan’s flower- in case the datapad hasn’t told you, they stand for love and mortality. That’s why I never let you know._ _  
__The forget me not is Lance’s flower- love and memories._ _  
__Both are fitting, even in size._  
 _Thanks for a life well-lived, love, and memories I cherished until the end._ _  
__Love, Keith._

He knew exactly what he was doing, reaching out as much as he had, and denying the healing pod’s relief. 

His goal was to be gone before they hit home. No awkward reunion calls with Lance’s family, where Lance pretended to be happy when he was already done with Keith. Lance could explain without having to spare Keith’s feelings this way.

There would be no drawn-out, gentle let down. 

Lance and Kolivan could go home- well, Lance’s home. Kolivan’s home was long gone. So was Keith’s for that matter. Home hadn’t meant a thing to him in a long time. He cringed, thinking of just how many foster families had rejected him the same way Lance and Kolivan currently were. Secrets, whispering, awkward looks, and canceling plans. 

He coughed as he thought about it, the pressure making his rejection more apparent. This time there was no orphanage to send him back to. 

* * *

“Keith?” Kolivan was standing in the doorway, looking nervous. 

So that was it, then. There would be no dignified death for Keith, away from the eyes of his mates. He was about to be forced into a corner- Lance would have to watch him gasping for his last breath. He wanted to _avoid_ this, Lance was nothing but kind to him, even in rejection these past few weeks. Lance didn’t deserve this.

Luckily, he seemed to be nowhere in sight. Kolivan must have realized how soft Lance was. Keith considered grabbing the letter and asking for them to simply place him in an airlock instead.

“I was wondering if we may talk. I have a meal ready.”

Keith nodded, no need to put this off; he could barely breathe as it was. Kolivan led them through the castle and into the area where the Blades kept their ships. He seemed intent on his usual silence as they flew to a planet nearby- where there were several buildings and another marked Blade Ship. 

Kolivan quickly brought him to a room where Lance was waiting with some Galra woman. 

Keith could feel his heartbreaking at the smile Lance gave her- had they found _another_ bondmate?

Kolivan made a sound and held up a familiar blade. Keith snatched it and held it close to him- he had lost it fighting Shiro’s clone. It was the one thing he had left from his mother, through all the homes and all the changes. 

Kolivan and Lance introduced him to his mother after that; Lance invaded his space in a way Keith had been missing. 

“I’ve been so nervous I’d ruin the surprise!” 

_“That’s_ why you’ve been hiding?” Keith growled out.

Lance blushed but nodded. “I know you’ve met my family… I just thought, if there was a chance to give you this, I wanted to.” 

Keith laughed, then felt the horrible sensation- the flowers were breaking loose. Only instead of a slow recovery where his body seemed to deal with the petals, he could feel a coughing fit winding up. Lance already looked alarmed at the sound of Keith’s cut-off laughter. Kolivan grabbed him around the shoulder and forced him into a seat. Keith let it happen, the purging from his lungs as his body accepted it was wrong.

“You hid it _again?”_ Lance sounded upset. 

Keith shrugged.

“I’m not surprised. I’m just disappointed.” 

“Don’t meme me.” 

Lance rubbed his back with a chuckle. “Drama King.” 

Keith glared at him but leaned into the attention. The more Lance did, the better his lungs felt. He ended up only coughing up a few flowers as both his mates were curled around him. Lance made a small sound at the bright blue flower. 

He glanced up at the woman- his mother- and thought that maybe this would be the start of his new life. 


End file.
